I’ve learned over the last couple of years that being alone is actually perfectly okay.
In our society, although I feel it is changing a bit more, some people find it strange when you like to be by yourself, with no commitment in a relationship or tied up in a marriage. But actually being by yourself has a lot of benefits. I don’t like the idea of society “forcing” you that you should be with someone in order to Be or Feel happy.
Over the last, say 20, years I’ve been in and out a few relationship after my divorce, until about 6 years ago now, I decided I had enough for a while of being in “unsuccessful” relationships and to start over again all the time, so it was new but also refreshing to make the decision to stay on my own for a while and work on my Self.
I have to be honest, that it was not always easy, especially not in the first couple of months or year, as you still Feel and Think that you “should” be with someone to have the perfect life. And that is also what other people want you to do, or how they want to see you. As you are a lovely person and you look good, you are kind and have a good heart, who would someone Not want to be with you?
But, being by yourself is a great time for Self Reflection….What do I really want to do with my life? Who would I want to share my life with? Can I be single and by myself and still be Happy? Yes of course you can!!
At first it’s a bit strange to “go out” alone, like going for a coffee, to the cinema, to a restaurant for a meal, travelling…..as you always think that it “looks” strange when you go to the cinema by yourself or go for a nice meal in a restaurant alone while most people in there are together with family, a friend or their loved one. It makes you feel and think a bit that people “see” you and feel sorry for you for being all by yourself.
But you know what……nobody cares! It’s all in your mind that you think that people notice and wonder why you are by yourself. And in this way your restrict yourself from living! Why should you be alone and lock yourself up in the house? While there is a whole world out there to explore, there are new people to meet. And you will be surprised how much new people you meet when you go “out there”.
Yes, it took me a while to have the courage and feel comfortable to go out by myself, but now…..I love it!! I love to go for a walk in the park, then walk into the coffee shop that comes with it and treat myself on a nice coffee, hot chocolate, either with or without a nice treat like a scone or a cake.
I love it to go out to the cinema to see a movie that I love to see, and believe me, nobody even notice that you are there by yourself, and basically, in the cinema you watch the movie and don’t talk that much anyway if you would be there With someone.
I love to go out for a meal, or a or drink, as I can pick the restaurant or cafe I like, the kind of food I would love to eat, or the cocktail I like to try, and I have totally the time on my own, to either have a quick meal or drink, or take my time and stay there for a while. It’s all up to me.
And of course, you Do sometimes miss the affection of someone, snuggling up on the couch while watching Netflix, having a good laugh and spending quality time, but what I learned to love is the Freedom I have now. The Freedom to do what I want to do, when I like to see my friends, when I like to be home by myself, when I like to go out.
After being by myself for so many years now, it almost makes me wonder if I actually could live with someone again, lol. Don’t get me wrong, if someone comes along and knocks me off my feet, I’m open for it. But I promised myself that I won’t “search” anymore, as I tried the online dating scene off and on, and it’s just not for me. No, I rather meet someone spontaneous in real life.
An other important part for these years being by myself is the Healing part within my Self. As when I look back over all these years, before I decided to stay on my own for a while, I know that I often quickly went from one relationship into the other, I have never been on my own for that long. So this time I feel I learned to be really independent, not relying on anybody else for nothing. I managed everything perfectly on my own, which has been quite a positive experience.
And the other thing that became a real eye opener, is that I don’t “need” anybody to Be or Feel happy, as I am very happy with my life as it is! I have a good job, I’m building up my business, I have a beautiful daughter who is also my best friend, I have my family, my friends…..so I don’t feel the “urge” or “need” to find someone. I now know how it feels to be Happy despite being alone, and it’s such a Free feeling that my Happiness is not relying on anybody else but me.
And remember…..being alone is not the same as being lonely!
My personal advice would definitely be, when you come out of a long-term relationship or marriage, take some time for your Self. Heal properly from it and find your own Happiness within yourself and create a Happy Life for yourself. Life is too short to lock yourself up in the house and let life go by without enjoying it. As you deserve a Happy life and life is out there!